I generally attend the state and national denominational conventions when I can and they normally do seem, well, informational but less than inspirational. I also occasionally go in after the singing because after all it's not like I missed the PREACHING part.
But last night I was all alone. I had just come from a dinner gathering in which I was, to put it blandly, limited in my conversations.
The music wasn't anything spectacular, but the Spirit was there. They sang a hymn I have always struggled with in some of the words, "Prone to wander Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the one I love." I have always thought "How can you sing that part with gusto?" Hopefully no one ever watches me, but I always stop singing at that part...until last night. I know, I know a lot of you will say "I love that hymn". It is called "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing" and I used to think for those who loved it "to each his and her own I suppose."
But last night in my loneliness of worship I was not alone.
"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee."
As the most omitted part of my personal hymn repertoire approached, God spoke to my heart in an instant. "Tim, you ARE prone to wander. Let go of your pride, admit it, and sing!"
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;"
My hands outstretched I gave up my pride and theological snobbery and sang what is so beloved by so many.
"Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."
My college years of lonely church attendance came to mind, always knowing someday I would be married and have someone to sit beside me. And yet in my fortress of solitude of worship and though I was surrounded by somewhat theologically like-minded strangers whom I will know someday, my Best Friend showed up.
You see He walks with me and talks with me and last night He told me I was His own, even if I am prone to wander. It's okay to be honest with God in worship.
They celebrated 50 years of River Ministry and again my memories opened as they recognized Jerry Johnson and his years of service at the Rio Grande Baptist Association. Thoughts of Dwight Hendrick and John Francis, missionaries to Mexico and mentors of mine, came to mind. Now "benched" (as Dwight would say), now in the glorious presence of the Lord but also now they are finished with their beloved evangelistic ministry. Jerry Johnson was my director of missions when I went into full-time service to God. And he is older now but still going. I remember flying to El Paso and receiving a reward from the "GBTT" as Dwight often and sincerely called the Baptist General Convention of Texas. I received the award not because I was missions pastor, but on behalf of the church and on behalf of the years of ministry that had gone on before me.
Memories of when God called me into ministry by going to Brownsville on mission trips, talking with Brian Thomas and saying, "what if we could do ministry like this all the time?"
That Fount of Blessing came to me with a vengeance last night at the BGCT. A fresh vision of God's grace fell. Thank you, God, for allowing me to serve an awesome Savior. One day. I too will be on the sidelines cheering on those who I hopefully have influenced, especially my children and grandchildren. Until then, I will humbly sing rather than proudly be silent as if my heart was not prone to wander. My heart is prone to wander, but my soul and salvation are sealed for that Day of Redemption.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help, I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God.
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face.
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace.
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away,
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
